Because of certain circumstances, I do not have a relationship with my own mother. I am not sharing this in order for you to feel sorry for me. I share this only to set the stage for what I am about to share with you. Because of what I have learned has led me to loving and letting go.
Everything I am, and what I believed about myself... I learned from my mom. She is a creative, and so am I. She raised the bar when it came to her work ethic, and so do I. She loves anything Vintage...like cottages, hollyhocks, dahlias, sweet peas, morning glories, shabby chic furniture... oh my, so do I!
She was quick to put herself down...um check... the first to discredit her gifts...check... the first to find the flaw in herself and point it out before anyone else could....check... Never believing she was good enough... check... Never believing she had value... check, check, check. You see if she did not have it to give... then how could she give it to me? The thing is... she can't. Once I understood this, I was able to let my mom off the hook. I could not hold her responsible anymore for how I felt about myself. I understood that my value and my worth can only truly come from God. He is all those things and more, and as long as I keep my eyes on Him, I truly know that I am too.
Recently, I have discovered a photographer (Sue Bryce) who has completely turned me inside out! Her relationship photography... well her photography in general has made me want to be the best that I can be. I have always had a knack for posing and connecting with my clients...But she has refined me and has taken my photography to another level. She has given words to my own thoughts... like she is in my head... and has been able to help me break through my own brokeness. The biggest gift she gave me... was how transparent she is with her personal life and personal struggles... I discovered for the first time that the only thing that was in my way of all my dreams.... was me.
Capturing the relationship between a mother and her daughter(s)... dang, I cannot even put into words what it does for me. These images have, well ...healed me. It's why I love photography... I have always said.... if I knew the pain I was going to go through in starting my photography business I would never have put myself out there. I am so thankful that I didn't because I would have missed out on one of the greatest joys of my life. To be able to do what I love.... priceless.
I am thankful for the gifts that my mom was able to pass on to me. As I look back on my past of all the people the Lord brought into my life to encourage and love on me, and the people that are in my life right now doing that very same thing...He has continuelly filled the gap for me with the best of His best. My mom has MS, and it has affected every part of her life. A personal relationship for her and I will never be, outside a miracle. So an image of her and I together, like the ones I create with my photography, will always be one that remains only in my imagination. And I am good with that... I will only focus on what I can do, and that's taking beautiful portraits.
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